You asked me out unexpectedly, and i so wanted to agree. Even though i had made a tiny white lie to my family, i didn't care. All i knew was i needed to go. Whether i had to sneak out or think of the possibilities of being caught, i didn't care. I just needed to go. And so i agree. With my heart racing, fingers trembling, excited and nervous, i smiled like an idiot throughout. You called. You were here. And when i saw you in sight, i displayed a natural expression; no excitement, no thrill, no enthusiasm.

It was my first time there. I was wow-ed by the surroundings. Such romanticism, i couldn't contend my thrill in being there, not just me, but with you. I was afraid it would get awkward, so i shared stories; looking at the sceneries, i tried to make comments so that we could talk about something. It was my first time alone with you. You said there was a nice spot somewhere, and together we walked towards that spot. Once seated, i started making comments about the stars again. You then spoke with a gentle voice. -I have something for you- and my heart skipped a beat. I turned to you, and you held out a cube. I was confused, but happy at the same time. -It can be opened into a rose, too- You opened it for me. I read the words, but i was nervous, and my heart was beating too fast for me to handle. I didn't know what to say, so i pretended i didn't see it. You read it out. My heart skipped another beat. I looked towards you, and you looked at me with such big, round, doe eyes. I couldn't resist it. No words came out of my mouth. I plunged myself forward and gave you a hug. -Thank you- It won't do. That wasn't enough. I needed to give you more, i needed to show you more appreciation, but what? I didn't know what i could do. I couldn't think straight anymore. We got up and walked back to the vehicle. Were we together officially? Did i answer a yes? Did i give a good feedback?

It was the first time i had received such a present.

It was the first time i had received such words.

It was the first time someone had looked at me with such care.

I was nervous and excited to see you again. When you were right there in front of me, what could i do? I was nervous. My heart was beating rapidly again. I wished i could have adapted more to the surroundings so it would be more comfortable for the both of us.

My stomach ached. I didn't know why. I didn't want you to worry. I couldn't do much when in pain. I was frustrated with myself. It was the first time i was that angry with myself. Thankfully, it all got better sooner or later. I came down and saw the seat next to you empty. Should i sit there? Should i sit there closely so he doesn't think i don't want to be near him? How close should i sit? There's a lot of space. Will he notice me there? Will he give me the smile i fell in love with? I sat there, close, but not too close. Nervous and excited, i slowly relaxed. I got better soon after that.

You were cold in the car. I didn't know what i could do. You refused to take my cardigan. Then i said it. -Can you turn the aircon down? It's cold- I didn't mention who was cold in case you didn't want anyone to know. Because i'm not that strong of a person, people will automatically think it's me. But i don't care. It's normal for me.

You were cold in the cinema. Should i hold your hands? Should i wrap your arm with both my arms? Should i lean to you? I want to do all of those. But what if it didn't turn out good? Swallowing my pride, i slowly leaned on your shoulder. But it was uncomfortable. It was my first time, after all. I told myself to hold in the pain, but i couldn't. My neck started hurting, and i tried so hard to hold it in. Shifting from place to place, i finally found a comfortable place, but it wasn't for you. Yet, you didn't utter a single word. And to that, i feel regretful that i didn't think about your pain, only mine.

I don't wake up early. It's hard for me to wake up straight away. But when i realized you were in the next room still sleeping, i wanted to go. Getting up, i walked to your room and you were there, sleeping. I waited at the door, looking at you sleep. So peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you, but i wanted you looking into my eyes. I slowly woke you up. You lazed around, and you laid on my lap. I looked down at you, and you looked right back at me with sleepy eyes. I focused on below your nose. Temptation. But i kept it within. It is, after all, my first time with such feelings.

Watching movies in the room, you cuddled closer towards me. It was warm. It was sensational. It was special. I didn't care what was around us, i only wanted to be with you right at that moment. I didn't want time to continue, either. I was nervous. With new touches, new feelings, and other stuff, i didn't know what to do. But because you were there with me, i could experience and grasp all these new events. My first time, it was special.

After watching the last movie for the day, i didn't want to leave your side. You clung onto me, and i was secretly hoping. But i had to go to my own room, i know i had to. After settling in, you opened the door. I was secretly happy again. Even though it only lasted for a few seconds, it was enough to make me sleep with a smile plastered on my face.

I woke up immediately again, wanting to wake you up and seeing you as early as i can. I got to your room, and i saw you asleep again. Again, i looked below your nose. Temptation again. But it was stronger this time, and i was afraid i might just lean in and do it. Even though i repeatedly said -Go wash your face- i only wanted you to look at me with the eyes i fell in love with. Slowly, you climbed onto the sofa with me. I smiled. We got more comfortable with each other in just a few days.

Your stomach started aching. I didn't know what to do. I had pills, but i wanted to give you more than that. My heart started aching, knowing that you were hurting. I waited until you came back with the pills in my hand. You came back, and it seemed that you had felt better. We rested for a while after that, but at times you would have to sit up. I wanted to help you get better, but i didn't know how. All i could do was be by your side, and that's all i did. Was it enough? It was my first time with such feelings.

It was our last night together. Finishing the movie, again, i didn't want to let go. However, there was a stronger feeling this time. I was scared of being the only one who wanted this, so i never decided anything. I acted nonchalantly, when i was secretly hoping we'd spend the night together. It was a success, as you cuddled right next to me, perfectly filling in the empty space i've been missing for the past 2~3 nights. Unfortunately, it wasn't easy for both of us to fall asleep. I had some trouble getting into a comfortable position, and you often wondered if i was okay. Seeing you sniffing, i also wondered if you, too, were okay. However, all thoughts faded away, when i felt something so perfect on my lips. I was in shock. Did that really happen? Was this reality? I don't want to let go of this moment. I didn't want to say a word, thinking it would get awkward, instead, i cuddled closer to you. I wanted to let you know how much i loved you. It was my first time, and i wondered if it was yours, too.

I woke up with you looking at me. I smiled. Why weren't you asleep, though? I was worried because you didn't get enough of rest. You said you didn't care, you just wanted to look at me. But please don't danger your health just because of me. Although it makes me happy, it makes me even sadder to find out if you're ill. We spent a longer time in the same room alone, close to each other. For the very first time.

It was time to part. I didn't like it one bit. We hugged, and you kissed me once again. I didn't want to let this moment go. Even though i got stared at, i didn't care. When i saw you walking away, i dreaded that feeling. It was empty again. It was different. It was no longer as warm as it used to be.

We communicated online once again. This time, it was different. I longed for your touch, your warmth, your smile and everything else about you. I want to see you again.